"Matthew Silar is leaving the wristband home today. It's time to let go of the past and start looking to God for the future."
That was my status the day of High School Musical callbacks.
LooOOOoooOOoong story VERY short---> Being cast just wasn't going to work with my conflict.
I was bummed. Not gonna lie. I knew God had bigger plans for my Fall but I was still bummed for a day or two. Everybody was so ready and excited for the show, the cast looked great and I really wanted to get to do HSM in CYT... I was bummed I wasn't going to be a part of it.
But I did my best to just focus on the fact that God would have a bigger plan for me.
Then the insanity broke out with HSM! (See post before this)
This evening I found my IMPROVATHON BANDANNA. I did the entire finale without it. (The one I used was Kat's and it was just so we had our color represented) and it reminded me of my Peter Pan wristband (I had two... but one got lost because I let somebody wear one during Narnia. I learned my lesson real quickly. It now stays around my lamp and doesn't leave there unless it's on my wrist. Nobody is ever allowed to wear it now... haha) BUT anyway it reminded me of the wristband and how, at the time I was like "Man! SHOULD HAVE WORN THE WRISTBAND"
So now I have to think... maybe if I did wear the wristband as my comfort... I would have been cast. But by taking the wristband off and looking to God ONLY I WASN'T cast which made way for God to do his MUCH BIGGER PLAN.
I am still in awe. HSM was seriously a LIFE CHANGING experience, maybe not my biggest one, but one none the less.
After the first show somebody asked me how I felt and my good friend told me "You gotta feel good after that!"
Honestly... I didn't know how I felt. I couldn't believe it just happened. I know that sounds cliche' but being put on stage to do a whole show... after 3.5 hours of practice is FRIGHTENING... but it happened. And I feel like I got to learn AND prove something to myself.
As a performer I felt like I was given a new challenge to rise up to. It also meant a lot to me to prove to myself I can do it. I know I've done a lot of shows... and while I'm not (nor will I probably ever be a professional) I have a feeling that even when you are PRO, the struggle with self confidence is still there. I'm not saying I think that I am a terrible performer but I still doubt myself and skills a lot. Learning a role in just under 4 hours really was a stretch and accomplishing it (even though it really wasn't ME who accomplished it) was a good feeling.
As a person it taught me how to enjoy a blessing and still keep my heart in the right place. (I loved getting to play that role but every night I tried to make sure to make Devin and the rest of the cast's health the FOCAL point of my prayers with gratitude for the blessing as a close second)
It feels great getting compliments and getting to tell the story but I can't take the compliments. It was NOT me who did that. It was Anna and Tina's patience while working with me along with God's INCREDIBLE power to just MAKE IT WORK. He set everything up perfectly from being out of class to get the phone call down to blessing me with the chance to do the 2nd Friday- giving my Dad and 2nd mom the opportunity to see the show ALONG with a DVD night!
I love the cast. I loved the encouragement from everybody ESPECIALLY all the younger kids who always tried to give me a high five or a good job. It meant so much to be to be accepted by those guys and I truly feel HONORED to have been a wildcat for that time.
I don't think I'll be able to thank the Lord enough for his amazing plan. I feel almost guilty for doubting his plan for my Fall. He had one of his biggest plans for me so far and I know that they are only going to get bigger and more awesome. I also know that those will take more trust and looking to him for strength. I know it won't be easy but this has been a blessing AND a wake up call and I can't wait to see what else my AMAZING Savior has in store!
WHAT TEAM?
Wildcats... we really are ALL in this TOGETHER!
(Lame? sure... but nobody can deny that that message became abundantly clear!)
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