I had an amazing God feeling today.
I've been losing my voice A LOT recently... not just "my voice isn't peak" but like "Holy cow my voice is gone" losing it. It's been stressing me and honestly a bit scary seeing as how singing is such a HUGE part of my life. I am going to an ENT just to make sure there is nothing wrong. I hope and think there isn't but if I have a doctor tell me that, I will feel better... and if it is something else I would rather find out now and take care of it now rather than it affect me later in life.
But as I was doing something in rehearsal tonight for Little Shop, I don't even know what, I got the tiniest bit of fright thinking about what would happen if this was a show... and I felt this like RUSH and right away I was like wow... that felt like GOD. I seriously heard him in my head say, "Matthew, do you HONESTLY think I would give this to you and then take it away like that?"
I felt so comforted by my father in that moment... and it made me realize that I've missed listening to God recently. I haven't taken enough time to talk to God or hear him out. I wholeheartedly believe God is going to keep me healthy and take care of me and give me the perseverance to make it through both Little Shop AND Cinderella.
The thing is, I know that the only way God will keep it that way is if I am responsible and honoring. I need to take care of myself- eat healthy, go to bed on time, (Tonight is a holiday thus an exception) get my work done, learn to say NO when I should, and spend time with my AMAZING heavenly father.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I hate theatre.
I love theatre. (Get it? It's funny cuz the title says otherwise!)
I saw My Fair Lady at the Marriott this evening. It was probably one of my least favorite shows I have seen at the Marriott simply because, I don't think I am a fan of the show. There's a show that is full of unnecessary songs and slow dialogue.
However, I still left completely high on life... as I do after all Marriott shows. Meeting amazingly talented cast members always helps add to that. ;)
It's a love/hate relationship with what theatre does to me. I can't imagine people not understanding the passion I have for this craft but then again I can't imagine people understanding it. Theatre was something I was introduced to like any other hobby. I was a little kid and my mom took to see some highschool musicals (I think we knew people in them...?) and I liked them so we saw more. We eventually saw my first BIG show, Peter Pan and I fell in LOVE with what was happening. I REMEMBER wanting to meet everybody after but my mom, not being a theatre person, didn't know about the magical "stage door". Later I saw Sleeping Beauty through a childrens theatre company in a much smaller theatre and I STILL loved it. They had auditions for Annie and I decided to go. I was to scared to sing and I was super nervous the whole time. I auditioned for Hansel and Gretel next and got Hansel... from there on out I was hooked.
I've already reached the point to where I can say "Ive done theatre for over half my life" and I'm just ALMOST 17. I can't believe it's stuck with me so long...
Sometimes, I wish I thought professional theatre was my calling... but I don't. I know I am not good enough. Don't get me wrong, I do not mean to be a downer with no confidence. I do not believe God has given me a passion for something without the ability to do it, but I know I do not have the best voice out there and I definitely can not dance... and my acting abilities are just not developed.
That being so, I still can't imagine NOT doing theatre. I don't care if I am the 60 yr old man doing community shows at "the church" (that was most definitely meant to be said in a hick accent) I will still be doing theatre. Second to God, I can't imagine my life without it. Theatre has become a major part of my identity. (I hope JESUS has too haha)
I like to think that at SOME point I will do something outside of community theatre all my life. Who wouldn't love to try their hand at atleast SOMETHING professional, right? Marriott has open calls all the time and so do other companies... I'd be lying if I said I don't think I will go to them and just TRY it.
I don't think theatre won't be how I make a living... but I think it will be how I spend my life.
Right now, the hardest part is just not knowing what God is going to do with it. I know he wouldn't fill me with an overflowing passion for something if he didn't have plans to use it, it's just hard to see theatre being used in a way besides becoming PROFESSIONAL, you know?
Who knows? God could throw a curve ball and I could do professional theatre... God could throw a bigger curve ball and I could find a different passion along the way. (That is almost scary to think though)
Bottom line- I love theatre. I love what I do and I just want to keep doing it. I want to learn about it, get better at it, teach others about it. I just need to trust GOD that he knows what he is doing with all these wants and to just put my love of theatre in his hand and make it a part of loving him... then I know it'll take me where it needs to get me.
I'm really REALLY thankful God gave me theatre. I wish everybody knew what it was like to be passionate about something. I'd be lying if I said that I've never been given a hard time about it, but I'd be lying even more if I said it isn't COMPLETELY worth it.
I saw My Fair Lady at the Marriott this evening. It was probably one of my least favorite shows I have seen at the Marriott simply because, I don't think I am a fan of the show. There's a show that is full of unnecessary songs and slow dialogue.
However, I still left completely high on life... as I do after all Marriott shows. Meeting amazingly talented cast members always helps add to that. ;)
It's a love/hate relationship with what theatre does to me. I can't imagine people not understanding the passion I have for this craft but then again I can't imagine people understanding it. Theatre was something I was introduced to like any other hobby. I was a little kid and my mom took to see some highschool musicals (I think we knew people in them...?) and I liked them so we saw more. We eventually saw my first BIG show, Peter Pan and I fell in LOVE with what was happening. I REMEMBER wanting to meet everybody after but my mom, not being a theatre person, didn't know about the magical "stage door". Later I saw Sleeping Beauty through a childrens theatre company in a much smaller theatre and I STILL loved it. They had auditions for Annie and I decided to go. I was to scared to sing and I was super nervous the whole time. I auditioned for Hansel and Gretel next and got Hansel... from there on out I was hooked.
I've already reached the point to where I can say "Ive done theatre for over half my life" and I'm just ALMOST 17. I can't believe it's stuck with me so long...
Sometimes, I wish I thought professional theatre was my calling... but I don't. I know I am not good enough. Don't get me wrong, I do not mean to be a downer with no confidence. I do not believe God has given me a passion for something without the ability to do it, but I know I do not have the best voice out there and I definitely can not dance... and my acting abilities are just not developed.
That being so, I still can't imagine NOT doing theatre. I don't care if I am the 60 yr old man doing community shows at "the church" (that was most definitely meant to be said in a hick accent) I will still be doing theatre. Second to God, I can't imagine my life without it. Theatre has become a major part of my identity. (I hope JESUS has too haha)
I like to think that at SOME point I will do something outside of community theatre all my life. Who wouldn't love to try their hand at atleast SOMETHING professional, right? Marriott has open calls all the time and so do other companies... I'd be lying if I said I don't think I will go to them and just TRY it.
I don't think theatre won't be how I make a living... but I think it will be how I spend my life.
Right now, the hardest part is just not knowing what God is going to do with it. I know he wouldn't fill me with an overflowing passion for something if he didn't have plans to use it, it's just hard to see theatre being used in a way besides becoming PROFESSIONAL, you know?
Who knows? God could throw a curve ball and I could do professional theatre... God could throw a bigger curve ball and I could find a different passion along the way. (That is almost scary to think though)
Bottom line- I love theatre. I love what I do and I just want to keep doing it. I want to learn about it, get better at it, teach others about it. I just need to trust GOD that he knows what he is doing with all these wants and to just put my love of theatre in his hand and make it a part of loving him... then I know it'll take me where it needs to get me.
I'm really REALLY thankful God gave me theatre. I wish everybody knew what it was like to be passionate about something. I'd be lying if I said that I've never been given a hard time about it, but I'd be lying even more if I said it isn't COMPLETELY worth it.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Ephesians 4:29
Just a verse I wanted to remember.
Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
I wish I could say I follow that as much as I like too. Sadly, I don't. I mean, I do not swear... at all, never really been a struggle for me but sometimes I'll say something small out of anger like "Gah they are so stupid" or something like that. I know I'm frustrated but in the long run, it's not uplifting. Gonna try to work with God to improve on that.
Mercy it's late.
Had 2 GREAT conversations tonight though, and I learned a bit about myself, AND I have some things to pray about now. :) God is great even if sometimes his lessons don't end til 3ish am.
(REHEARSAL, SCHOOL, and LIFE START UP AGAIN TOMORROW! I'M SO READY! BRING IT ON 2010!)
Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
I wish I could say I follow that as much as I like too. Sadly, I don't. I mean, I do not swear... at all, never really been a struggle for me but sometimes I'll say something small out of anger like "Gah they are so stupid" or something like that. I know I'm frustrated but in the long run, it's not uplifting. Gonna try to work with God to improve on that.
Mercy it's late.
Had 2 GREAT conversations tonight though, and I learned a bit about myself, AND I have some things to pray about now. :) God is great even if sometimes his lessons don't end til 3ish am.
(REHEARSAL, SCHOOL, and LIFE START UP AGAIN TOMORROW! I'M SO READY! BRING IT ON 2010!)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Everybody in the world will disappoint you at some point or another, and you will disappoint them right back.
Everybody in the world will disappoint you at some point or another, and you will disappoint them right back.
That is frankly a bit amazing and AWESOME to me. I know it's weird that I find it awesome that everybody will disappoint me but it is. I believe the single biggest difference between humans and God is that God will never disappoint you but humans are unable to juggle caring for more than one person without dropping something at some point.
God loves us all... unconditionally... and knows how to. We don't know how to love because we have been hurt so we live with a guard up. We do not love unconditionally. There are conditions to our love. Everybody has conditions to their love. Parents love their kids no matter what, yes... but if that child betrays the family... the love becomes very different. Those are the facts. It is nothing PERSONAL or sensitive... it's merely the way we work because we have been HURT.
GOD, on the other hand loves us with unconditional love. Nothing we can do can change how much he loves us and how much he does to make things turn out the best way they can. What is so INCREDIBLE to me is that we disappoint God every day. We are greedy, deceitful, unloving, judgmental, and down right DIRTY every single day. (Disregarding the fact that dirty is usually attached to a sexual connotation)
We live our lives of conditioned love and in doing so, we hurt people. Having been hurt we keep our love conditioned which causes more hurt and the cycle continues.
GOD lives with unconditional love for all of us which is why we are never hurt by him. (Though some may argue that at the time... I can't think of a time where God did something and I still believe it wasn't the best way things could have turned out)
I feel GREAT knowing I can HONESTLY say that I love the Lord UNCONDITIONALLY. However, I have to honestly say I do not love the Lord with unconditional affection. I can not show God I love him LIKE I do. I know I do, and he knows I do but my heart is hardened and has a case around it because of my bitterness towards having been let down and so other things take priority. They SHOULDN'T... but they do.
As we come into this new year, THAT is what I want to focus on. Showing God I love him LIKE I love him. I'm holding onto the fact that God is the only person in the world who CAN love me unconditionally and I want to show that in return. I'm gonna fail... but I really want to TRY.
That is frankly a bit amazing and AWESOME to me. I know it's weird that I find it awesome that everybody will disappoint me but it is. I believe the single biggest difference between humans and God is that God will never disappoint you but humans are unable to juggle caring for more than one person without dropping something at some point.
God loves us all... unconditionally... and knows how to. We don't know how to love because we have been hurt so we live with a guard up. We do not love unconditionally. There are conditions to our love. Everybody has conditions to their love. Parents love their kids no matter what, yes... but if that child betrays the family... the love becomes very different. Those are the facts. It is nothing PERSONAL or sensitive... it's merely the way we work because we have been HURT.
GOD, on the other hand loves us with unconditional love. Nothing we can do can change how much he loves us and how much he does to make things turn out the best way they can. What is so INCREDIBLE to me is that we disappoint God every day. We are greedy, deceitful, unloving, judgmental, and down right DIRTY every single day. (Disregarding the fact that dirty is usually attached to a sexual connotation)
We live our lives of conditioned love and in doing so, we hurt people. Having been hurt we keep our love conditioned which causes more hurt and the cycle continues.
GOD lives with unconditional love for all of us which is why we are never hurt by him. (Though some may argue that at the time... I can't think of a time where God did something and I still believe it wasn't the best way things could have turned out)
I feel GREAT knowing I can HONESTLY say that I love the Lord UNCONDITIONALLY. However, I have to honestly say I do not love the Lord with unconditional affection. I can not show God I love him LIKE I do. I know I do, and he knows I do but my heart is hardened and has a case around it because of my bitterness towards having been let down and so other things take priority. They SHOULDN'T... but they do.
As we come into this new year, THAT is what I want to focus on. Showing God I love him LIKE I love him. I'm holding onto the fact that God is the only person in the world who CAN love me unconditionally and I want to show that in return. I'm gonna fail... but I really want to TRY.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmastime is (almost) here and OTHER thoughts. (LONG ONE FOLKS)
I can not BELIEVE that Christmas is 4 days away.
This part of Christmas is always weird for me.
I wouldn't say I get DEPRESSED nor would I even say I get DOWN. I just think I get BLUE. (Appreciate that I made BLUE the color blue)
I spend the whole season trying to accomplish THIS or accomplish THAT but in the long run ALL OF IT never gets done. I always have Christmas movies I didn't get to watch, places I didn't get to go, people I didn't get to shop for, and things I didn't get to accomplish.
This Christmas we got our Christmas tree early, I watched a lot of my favorite movies, and I listened to Christmas music all season.
I was also a part of a Christmas show at Willow. "Where Are You Christmas" was stressful to say the least. After 7 hour church days, another 3 hours of rehearsal was not on the "I WANT" List. But we made it through and I got to hang with some pretty cool people and work for something that wasn't INSTANTLY gratifying. BUT we did a show on Saturday (CALLBACK DAY MIGHT I ADD) for over 500 people struggling to get gifts or food for their family. I got to bless other people through it... and THAT is what Christmas is about. I WISH I got to spend more time this year on OTHER people.
I always hate being asked what I want for Christmas. I rarely WANT something yet every Christmas I am just so blessed with things under the tree. It's great and all, I mean WHO DOESN'T WAN STUFF? Especially now that I work I know what it feels like to want to buy something for somebody just because you care about them and you feel like you CAN but I can't help but feel a tiny bit... well GUILTY isn't the right word... *insert right word here*.
OFF TOPIC-
Life has been complicated lately. Not BAD or STRESSFUL. I'm constantly very blessed, trying to keep spending time with God. I don't feel lacking in my "walk" or anything but life is just COMPLICATED. Friends are home from college which is GREAT cuz I miss them all but it brings its own troubles as far as seeing everybody and the drama that inevitably ensues. Not to mention a show is starting off so people are falling into their GROUPS. On top of that there is still school and church friends and the work that needs to get done with those things.
OVERALL it just makes life complicated. I love my friends and am again very blessed but I have a lot of things I keep in constant prayer when it comes to friends right now.
I really feel God has been making some friendship changes in my life. Not saying he's been telling me to "cut people off" (hate that phrase or anything) but I really have felt God lately telling me to "just hold on cuz things are gonna shift". I don't feel like things are going to change for the worst or anything I just feel prepared for some differences coming up and I can't wait to see what they are.
-THAT BEING SAID, I am very ready to go to California. Like I said I love my friends BUT I think a break from everybody out in IL will be nice (yes, family included) Not saying I won't be texting and facebooking my friends the whole time But 9ish days away from Algonquin/LITH/Crystal Lake/Cary/Elgin/Huntley will be nice.
Moral of this whole ramble of a post- I can't believe Christmas is over here. I wish it could stay around longer. Everybody is happier and in good spirits but that doesn't mean life isn't still FULL. I'm looking forward for a break from IL so I can come back for the New Year ready for all the changes God is going to throw my way. I know if I hold onto Dad's hand I'm gonna be ready for anything. He's got big things planned... I can feel it!
♫Could it be? Yes it could! Something's coming, something GOOD! IF I CAN WAIT!♫
This part of Christmas is always weird for me.
I wouldn't say I get DEPRESSED nor would I even say I get DOWN. I just think I get BLUE. (Appreciate that I made BLUE the color blue)
I spend the whole season trying to accomplish THIS or accomplish THAT but in the long run ALL OF IT never gets done. I always have Christmas movies I didn't get to watch, places I didn't get to go, people I didn't get to shop for, and things I didn't get to accomplish.
This Christmas we got our Christmas tree early, I watched a lot of my favorite movies, and I listened to Christmas music all season.
I was also a part of a Christmas show at Willow. "Where Are You Christmas" was stressful to say the least. After 7 hour church days, another 3 hours of rehearsal was not on the "I WANT" List. But we made it through and I got to hang with some pretty cool people and work for something that wasn't INSTANTLY gratifying. BUT we did a show on Saturday (CALLBACK DAY MIGHT I ADD) for over 500 people struggling to get gifts or food for their family. I got to bless other people through it... and THAT is what Christmas is about. I WISH I got to spend more time this year on OTHER people.
I always hate being asked what I want for Christmas. I rarely WANT something yet every Christmas I am just so blessed with things under the tree. It's great and all, I mean WHO DOESN'T WAN STUFF? Especially now that I work I know what it feels like to want to buy something for somebody just because you care about them and you feel like you CAN but I can't help but feel a tiny bit... well GUILTY isn't the right word... *insert right word here*.
OFF TOPIC-
Life has been complicated lately. Not BAD or STRESSFUL. I'm constantly very blessed, trying to keep spending time with God. I don't feel lacking in my "walk" or anything but life is just COMPLICATED. Friends are home from college which is GREAT cuz I miss them all but it brings its own troubles as far as seeing everybody and the drama that inevitably ensues. Not to mention a show is starting off so people are falling into their GROUPS. On top of that there is still school and church friends and the work that needs to get done with those things.
OVERALL it just makes life complicated. I love my friends and am again very blessed but I have a lot of things I keep in constant prayer when it comes to friends right now.
I really feel God has been making some friendship changes in my life. Not saying he's been telling me to "cut people off" (hate that phrase or anything) but I really have felt God lately telling me to "just hold on cuz things are gonna shift". I don't feel like things are going to change for the worst or anything I just feel prepared for some differences coming up and I can't wait to see what they are.
-THAT BEING SAID, I am very ready to go to California. Like I said I love my friends BUT I think a break from everybody out in IL will be nice (yes, family included) Not saying I won't be texting and facebooking my friends the whole time But 9ish days away from Algonquin/LITH/Crystal Lake/Cary/Elgin/Huntley will be nice.
Moral of this whole ramble of a post- I can't believe Christmas is over here. I wish it could stay around longer. Everybody is happier and in good spirits but that doesn't mean life isn't still FULL. I'm looking forward for a break from IL so I can come back for the New Year ready for all the changes God is going to throw my way. I know if I hold onto Dad's hand I'm gonna be ready for anything. He's got big things planned... I can feel it!
♫Could it be? Yes it could! Something's coming, something GOOD! IF I CAN WAIT!♫
"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding."
Job 37:5
he does great things beyond our understanding."
Job 37:5
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Can't Really Find the Words
I've been in a weird mood all night
which is why I am still awake at this hour.
I've had a terrible lack of motivation and have just kind of felt BLUE all night.
I don't really know what it is but I've just felt kind of out of it.
So this is dedicated to whatever it is I would like to say... even know I do not know what it is.
I'm going to go write down thoughts I think and dig into my rule book a little bit followed by a talk with my dad before bed.
(in other words... journal cuz I do that... idc if you think it's lame, read my Bible, and pray... then I shall sleep)
which is why I am still awake at this hour.
I've had a terrible lack of motivation and have just kind of felt BLUE all night.
I don't really know what it is but I've just felt kind of out of it.
So this is dedicated to whatever it is I would like to say... even know I do not know what it is.
I'm going to go write down thoughts I think and dig into my rule book a little bit followed by a talk with my dad before bed.
(in other words... journal cuz I do that... idc if you think it's lame, read my Bible, and pray... then I shall sleep)
Monday, December 14, 2009
WORLD PREMIER CINDERELLA!
Cast List
Cinderella - Kelsey Palmquist Prince Andrew - Matt Silar
Mikhail - Cooper Agar Fairy Godmother/Cobbler Woman - Kat McKeown
Shepherd - Christopher O'Brien Stepmother - Jane Layoff
Belinda - Victoria Viegas Amelia - Abbey Bjork
King - Zack Lawrence Queen - Kelsey Blodgett
Mikhail - Cooper Agar Fairy Godmother/Cobbler Woman - Kat McKeown
Shepherd - Christopher O'Brien Stepmother - Jane Layoff
Belinda - Victoria Viegas Amelia - Abbey Bjork
King - Zack Lawrence Queen - Kelsey Blodgett
Alexandra Contessa/Desperate Girl: Amie Ledermann
Gabriella Mink/Desperate Girl: Giselle Relic
Cinderella's Father: Nick Klein Young Cinderella: Kitty Hoffman
Coachman: Tristan Viegas
Footmen: Tristen Crow, Ryan Gorey
Knights: Desperate Girls:
Thaddeus Kaszuba Kaylie Bienert
Tim McKeown Rachel Cottrell
Kevin Stoffel Deanna Golema
Jonathan Tlapek Jessica Hillmann
Andrew Trotter Emma McKeown
Emily Mucha
Aimee Oliver
Karli Schumaker
Godmother Interns (Faeries)
Julia Carter Nicole Spears
Maggie Corbett Jessica Stengel
Sierra Fermin Kasey Theil
Callie Rebodos Lexi Viegas
Ballroom Dancers (these are not paired yet):
Dance Captain: Brittany Eder
Gina Bianchi
Kaylie Bianchi
Chad Cuconato
Nikki Dombrowski
Mick Gehr
Tessa Hughes
Nick Klein
Vince Klein
Olivia Losoya
Mikayla Marchuk
Tim McKeown
Brittany O'Brien
Chris O'Brien
Jessica Oliver
Dominick Pietro
Jacob Quirk
Cassidy Reich
Kevin Stoffel
Jonathan Tlapek
Andrew Trotter
Sydney Trotter
Elizabeth Vandoorn
Jerome Veit
Horses:
Kaelin Agar
Taylor Reich
Natalie Schomas
Kennedy Smith
Village Children/Townsfolk (Choir)
Sydney Adkins
Lauren Blodgett
Danielle Klein
Callie Rebodos
Ross Relic
Kennedy Schomas
Quin Tlapek
Townfolk:
Baker - Thaddeus Kaszuba Butcher - Adam Clairborne
Dress maker - Bridget Ayers Hairdresser - Sophia Poole
Seamstress - Symone Seylar Shopkeeper - Sean Fitzgibbons
Tailor - Tristen Crow
Kaelin Agar
Kitty Hoffman
Zoe Boudart
Meg Bloom
Matthew Carter
Chloe Eskoff
Megan Eskoff
Ryan Gorey
Emily Holman
Megan Hunyady
Caeley Jones
Phillip Klein
Trey Krause
Kitty Hoffman
Kaitlyn Lic
Audrey Ledermann
Maria Linardos
Tina Mihm
Annie Mihm
Maddie Naughton
Michelle O'Keefe
Michael O'Keefe
Amanda Potthast
Taylor Reich
Katie Schaschwary
Natalie Schomas
Ally Schroepfer
Kennedy Smith
Kaitlyn Theil
Tristen Viegas
Alyssa Wilke
BRAND NEW NEVER BEFORE PRODUCED PRODUCTION!
So very excited! It's going to be crazy but so much fun!
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