Everybody in the world will disappoint you at some point or another, and you will disappoint them right back.

Everybody in the world will disappoint you at some point or another, and you will disappoint them right back.

That is frankly a bit amazing and AWESOME to me. I know it's weird that I find it awesome that everybody will disappoint me but it is. I believe the single biggest difference between humans and God is that God will never disappoint you but humans are unable to juggle caring for more than one person without dropping something at some point.

God loves us all... unconditionally... and knows how to. We don't know how to love because we have been hurt so we live with a guard up. We do not love unconditionally. There are conditions to our love. Everybody has conditions to their love. Parents love their kids no matter what, yes... but if that child betrays the family... the love becomes very different. Those are the facts. It is nothing PERSONAL or sensitive... it's merely the way we work because we have been HURT.

GOD, on the other hand loves us with unconditional love. Nothing we can do can change how much he loves us and how much he does to make things turn out the best way they can. What is so INCREDIBLE to me is that we disappoint God every day. We are greedy, deceitful, unloving, judgmental, and down right DIRTY every single day. (Disregarding the fact that dirty is usually attached to a sexual connotation)
We live our lives of conditioned love and in doing so, we hurt people. Having been hurt we keep our love conditioned which causes more hurt and the cycle continues.
GOD lives with unconditional love for all of us which is why we are never hurt by him. (Though some may argue that at the time... I can't think of a time where God did something and I still believe it wasn't the best way things could have turned out)

I feel GREAT knowing I can HONESTLY say that I love the Lord UNCONDITIONALLY. However, I have to honestly say I do not love the Lord with unconditional affection. I can not show God I love him LIKE I do. I know I do, and he knows I do but my heart is hardened and has a case around it because of my bitterness towards having been let down and so other things take priority. They SHOULDN'T... but they do.

As we come into this new year, THAT is what I want to focus on. Showing God I love him LIKE I love him. I'm holding onto the fact that God is the only person in the world who CAN love me unconditionally and I want to show that in return. I'm gonna fail... but I really want to TRY.

Christmastime is (almost) here and OTHER thoughts. (LONG ONE FOLKS)

I can not BELIEVE that Christmas is 4 days away.
This part of Christmas is always weird for me.
I wouldn't say I get DEPRESSED nor would I even say I get DOWN. I just think I get BLUE. (Appreciate that I made BLUE the color blue)
I spend the whole season trying to accomplish THIS or accomplish THAT but in the long run ALL OF IT never gets done. I always have Christmas movies I didn't get to watch, places I didn't get to go, people I didn't get to shop for, and things I didn't get to accomplish.

This Christmas we got our Christmas tree early, I watched a lot of my favorite movies, and I listened to Christmas music all season.
I was also a part of a Christmas show at Willow. "Where Are You Christmas" was stressful to say the least. After 7 hour church days, another 3 hours of rehearsal was not on the "I WANT" List. But we made it through and I got to hang with some pretty cool people and work for something that wasn't INSTANTLY gratifying. BUT we did a show on Saturday (CALLBACK DAY MIGHT I ADD) for over 500 people struggling to get gifts or food for their family. I got to bless other people through it... and THAT is what Christmas is about. I WISH I got to spend more time this year on OTHER people.

I always hate being asked what I want for Christmas. I rarely WANT something yet every Christmas I am just so blessed with things under the tree. It's great and all, I mean WHO DOESN'T WAN STUFF? Especially now that I work I know what it feels like to want to buy something for somebody just because you care about them and you feel like you CAN but I can't help but feel a tiny bit... well GUILTY isn't the right word... *insert right word here*.

OFF TOPIC-
Life has been complicated lately. Not BAD or STRESSFUL. I'm constantly very blessed, trying to keep spending time with God. I don't feel lacking in my "walk" or anything but life is just COMPLICATED. Friends are home from college which is GREAT cuz I miss them all but it brings its own troubles as far as seeing everybody and the drama that inevitably ensues. Not to mention a show is starting off so people are falling into their GROUPS. On top of that there is still school and church friends and the work that needs to get done with those things.
OVERALL it just makes life complicated. I love my friends and am again very blessed but I have a lot of things I keep in constant prayer when it comes to friends right now.

I really feel God has been making some friendship changes in my life. Not saying he's been telling me to "cut people off" (hate that phrase or anything) but I really have felt God lately telling me to "just hold on cuz things are gonna shift". I don't feel like things are going to change for the worst or anything I just feel prepared for some differences coming up and I can't wait to see what they are.
-THAT BEING SAID, I am very ready to go to California. Like I said I love my friends BUT I think a break from everybody out in IL will be nice (yes, family included) Not saying I won't be texting and facebooking my friends the whole time But 9ish days away from Algonquin/LITH/Crystal Lake/Cary/Elgin/Huntley will be nice.

Moral of this whole ramble of a post- I can't believe Christmas is over here. I wish it could stay around longer. Everybody is happier and in good spirits but that doesn't mean life isn't still FULL. I'm looking forward for a break from IL so I can come back for the New Year ready for all the changes God is going to throw my way. I know if I hold onto Dad's hand I'm gonna be ready for anything. He's got big things planned... I can feel it!

♫Could it be? Yes it could! Something's coming, something GOOD! IF I CAN WAIT!♫

"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding."
Job 37:5

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Can't Really Find the Words

I've been in a weird mood all night
which is why I am still awake at this hour.

I've had a terrible lack of motivation and have just kind of felt BLUE all night.

I don't really know what it is but I've just felt kind of out of it.

So this is dedicated to whatever it is I would like to say... even know I do not know what it is.

I'm going to go write down thoughts I think and dig into my rule book a little bit followed by a talk with my dad before bed.

(in other words... journal cuz I do that... idc if you think it's lame, read my Bible, and pray... then I shall sleep)

WORLD PREMIER CINDERELLA!

Cast List

Cinderella - Kelsey Palmquist Prince Andrew - Matt Silar
Mikhail - Cooper Agar Fairy Godmother/Cobbler Woman - Kat McKeown
Shepherd - Christopher O'Brien Stepmother - Jane Layoff
Belinda - Victoria Viegas Amelia - Abbey Bjork
King - Zack Lawrence Queen - Kelsey Blodgett

Alexandra Contessa/Desperate Girl: Amie Ledermann
Gabriella Mink/Desperate Girl: Giselle Relic

Cinderella's Father: Nick Klein Young Cinderella: Kitty Hoffman
Coachman: Tristan Viegas
Footmen: Tristen Crow, Ryan Gorey

Knights: Desperate Girls:
Thaddeus Kaszuba Kaylie Bienert
Tim McKeown Rachel Cottrell
Kevin Stoffel Deanna Golema
Jonathan Tlapek Jessica Hillmann
Andrew Trotter Emma McKeown
Emily Mucha
Aimee Oliver
Karli Schumaker

Godmother Interns (Faeries)
Julia Carter Nicole Spears
Maggie Corbett Jessica Stengel
Sierra Fermin Kasey Theil
Callie Rebodos Lexi Viegas


Ballroom Dancers (these are not paired yet):

Dance Captain: Brittany Eder
Gina Bianchi
Kaylie Bianchi
Chad Cuconato
Nikki Dombrowski
Mick Gehr
Tessa Hughes
Nick Klein
Vince Klein
Olivia Losoya
Mikayla Marchuk
Tim McKeown
Brittany O'Brien
Chris O'Brien
Jessica Oliver
Dominick Pietro
Jacob Quirk
Cassidy Reich
Kevin Stoffel
Jonathan Tlapek
Andrew Trotter
Sydney Trotter
Elizabeth Vandoorn
Jerome Veit

Horses:
Kaelin Agar
Taylor Reich
Natalie Schomas
Kennedy Smith

Village Children/Townsfolk (Choir)
Sydney Adkins
Lauren Blodgett
Danielle Klein
Callie Rebodos
Ross Relic
Kennedy Schomas
Quin Tlapek

Townfolk:

Baker - Thaddeus Kaszuba Butcher - Adam Clairborne
Dress maker - Bridget Ayers Hairdresser - Sophia Poole
Seamstress - Symone Seylar Shopkeeper - Sean Fitzgibbons
Tailor - Tristen Crow

Kaelin Agar
Kitty Hoffman
Zoe Boudart
Meg Bloom
Matthew Carter
Chloe Eskoff
Megan Eskoff
Ryan Gorey
Emily Holman
Megan Hunyady
Caeley Jones
Phillip Klein
Trey Krause
Kitty Hoffman
Kaitlyn Lic
Audrey Ledermann
Maria Linardos
Tina Mihm
Annie Mihm
Maddie Naughton
Michelle O'Keefe
Michael O'Keefe
Amanda Potthast
Taylor Reich
Katie Schaschwary
Natalie Schomas
Ally Schroepfer
Kennedy Smith
Kaitlyn Theil
Tristen Viegas
Alyssa Wilke




BRAND NEW NEVER BEFORE PRODUCED PRODUCTION!
So very excited! It's going to be crazy but so much fun!

A little (shop) update.

Man, oh man, it's been a while since I last updated.

Now it's not the first thing that's happened since I last posted but it's the most exciting.. for me at least.

GUESS WHAT SHOW I'M IN!

I'm pretty much freaking out. Most of the WORLD knows Little Shop has been a dream show of mine and the opportunity to actually do it is pretty much a HUGE blessing. I can't wait for Monday to start rehearsals!

And alas. I got a phone call and now it's late. I'll continue this tomorrow.

Friends don't let friends __________!

Being a friend is hard work.
Sometimes my friendships make me feel really YOUNG but then sometimes they make me feel really old.
I don't know when I got old enough to have friends struggle with REAL problems.
When you are little you hear about people drinking or doing drugs and all that but you never really think you are going to have to face it.
NOW, Thank the Lord I don't have any friends who are off getting high or drunk every night but I do have friends who just struggle with stuff.
I struggle with stuff too. A lot. Just... those kinda things never appealed to me. Maybe it's my past family history. Knowing my grandparents both came from drinking families along with my Dad coming from one too... drinking has affected my family more personally than some and then drugs just seem to go with it. If you wouldn't do A you shouldn't do B.
I just sometimes don't know how to be a good friend when somebody's screwing up. Not even with drinking or things like that... when somebody is WRONG in a fight, or when somebody is not treating another person fairly.
I suppose I should think about how I would like people to treat me... but again I come up short with a thought. When I mess up I don't really tend to notice I've had people there helping me along the way until I'm finally past it. (HOW IS THAT FAIR?)
I guess the only real answer is... just keep being a friend. Don't be afraid to bring up a "touchy" subject but do it with love. I know my friends know where my opinion stands so I suppose shoving things in their face won't solve any problems.
I think in friendships we gotta pull a Motel 6 and just make sure they know that "you'll leave the light on for them".

Last thing. Anybody (as in all nobody who reads this) else find it hard to WANT to impact or help somebody and just having to accept that God isn't planning on opening that door yet?
Again, I suppose that is where we need to learn to PRAY for people rather than focus on things we can do or say to them at the moment.

I'm thankful for friends I really am... I just feel like sometimes it's way harder to BE a friend than to MAKE a friend.

God's a good friend though... a best friend... THERE'S a guy who knows how to be a friend.

Good thing I left the wristbands home.

"Matthew Silar is leaving the wristband home today. It's time to let go of the past and start looking to God for the future."

That was my status the day of High School Musical callbacks.
LooOOOoooOOoong story VERY short---> Being cast just wasn't going to work with my conflict.

I was bummed. Not gonna lie. I knew God had bigger plans for my Fall but I was still bummed for a day or two. Everybody was so ready and excited for the show, the cast looked great and I really wanted to get to do HSM in CYT... I was bummed I wasn't going to be a part of it.
But I did my best to just focus on the fact that God would have a bigger plan for me.

Then the insanity broke out with HSM! (See post before this)

This evening I found my IMPROVATHON BANDANNA. I did the entire finale without it. (The one I used was Kat's and it was just so we had our color represented) and it reminded me of my Peter Pan wristband (I had two... but one got lost because I let somebody wear one during Narnia. I learned my lesson real quickly. It now stays around my lamp and doesn't leave there unless it's on my wrist. Nobody is ever allowed to wear it now... haha) BUT anyway it reminded me of the wristband and how, at the time I was like "Man! SHOULD HAVE WORN THE WRISTBAND"
So now I have to think... maybe if I did wear the wristband as my comfort... I would have been cast. But by taking the wristband off and looking to God ONLY I WASN'T cast which made way for God to do his MUCH BIGGER PLAN.

I am still in awe. HSM was seriously a LIFE CHANGING experience, maybe not my biggest one, but one none the less.
After the first show somebody asked me how I felt and my good friend told me "You gotta feel good after that!"
Honestly... I didn't know how I felt. I couldn't believe it just happened. I know that sounds cliche' but being put on stage to do a whole show... after 3.5 hours of practice is FRIGHTENING... but it happened. And I feel like I got to learn AND prove something to myself.
As a performer I felt like I was given a new challenge to rise up to. It also meant a lot to me to prove to myself I can do it. I know I've done a lot of shows... and while I'm not (nor will I probably ever be a professional) I have a feeling that even when you are PRO, the struggle with self confidence is still there. I'm not saying I think that I am a terrible performer but I still doubt myself and skills a lot. Learning a role in just under 4 hours really was a stretch and accomplishing it (even though it really wasn't ME who accomplished it) was a good feeling.
As a person it taught me how to enjoy a blessing and still keep my heart in the right place. (I loved getting to play that role but every night I tried to make sure to make Devin and the rest of the cast's health the FOCAL point of my prayers with gratitude for the blessing as a close second)

It feels great getting compliments and getting to tell the story but I can't take the compliments. It was NOT me who did that. It was Anna and Tina's patience while working with me along with God's INCREDIBLE power to just MAKE IT WORK. He set everything up perfectly from being out of class to get the phone call down to blessing me with the chance to do the 2nd Friday- giving my Dad and 2nd mom the opportunity to see the show ALONG with a DVD night!

I love the cast. I loved the encouragement from everybody ESPECIALLY all the younger kids who always tried to give me a high five or a good job. It meant so much to be to be accepted by those guys and I truly feel HONORED to have been a wildcat for that time.

I don't think I'll be able to thank the Lord enough for his amazing plan. I feel almost guilty for doubting his plan for my Fall. He had one of his biggest plans for me so far and I know that they are only going to get bigger and more awesome. I also know that those will take more trust and looking to him for strength. I know it won't be easy but this has been a blessing AND a wake up call and I can't wait to see what else my AMAZING Savior has in store!

WHAT TEAM?
Wildcats... we really are ALL in this TOGETHER!
(Lame? sure... but nobody can deny that that message became abundantly clear!)

Living out that dream (literal not metaphorical) every theatre kid has had.

Show at 9:30am.
Phone call at 8:15am "Jack Scott is sick... they may ask you."
5 min later, phone rings again "You're going on. Get over here"
Arrive at 8:50am.
Check mic, Get a script, write lines and put them on clipboard. Find jacket that fits. Read lines before going onstage all by yourself.
Do the last step 3 more times in Act One.
Run up to light booth til end of intermission
Run back down, do one scene.
Wait til lead is done with song. Tell them you need their shirt as soon as they change.
You change.
You run back up to the light booth and do complicated scene.
Run back down and do last scene.
REPEAT AT 11:45 adding CURTAIN CALL DANCE.

Next day.
Go to school. "Are you on tonight?" "Yes I am"
"Oh so you are Ryan then?" "RYAN! NO WHY WOULD I BE RYAN??"
"Devin may have chicken pox" "WHAAAAAT?!?!??!"
Freak out all through the rest of your classes.
Go home early to learn Jack Scott and peak at Ryan JUST IN CASE.
Get a phone call at 1:30. "What are you doing?"
"Sitting at home"
"Get over here, you're our Ryan this weekend."
Get in car and realize you need gas.
Put in card and make phone call to get Sharpays number.
Transaction is cancelled cuz call took to long.
Repeat previous card step and pump gas.
Answer the phone and get said number.
Pump gas while the wind picks up and DRENCHES you in rain.
Get to Choreographers/AD's house at 2:00
Rehearse til 3:30.
Meet Sharpay at theatre at 4.
Rehearse til 6...6:15 ish.
Run harmonies with vocal director.
Get ready and find pants don't fit.
Get belt to fix pants problem
Go onstage praying you don't mess up.
Do whole show THANK THE LORD.
Breathe.
Realize that you've had nightmares about this.
Praise the LORD!
Cast party... shower... BED
Wake up. REPEAT SHOW 2 MORE DAYS.
All while praying for the sick cast members.

Man, oh man, does God have a crazy plan.

I have extremely talented friends.

I have extremely talented friends.
Working lights for HSM. It's great fun. The show looks great and I thoroughly look forward to getting to watch such a fun show for the next two weeks.
I know like 90% of the cast and am friends with all the leads and most of the ensemble so I may be biased... but I do think the show is going to be a winner.
Cody and Jonathan are both Troy and are nailing it. Same with Rachel and Brittany. Rachel is NAILING her first lead and I think this is definitely Brittany at her best. Don't ask me which cast to see... I'll say go to both.
CLICK HERE FOR SHOW INFO!

Just real quickly.

I'm not going to write much.
Saw Hairspray at the Marriott tonight. I'll post about it soon.

LOADS of school to get done tomorrow so I'm taking a day off from internet (minus e-mail and perhaps texting facebook status)
I'm kinda excited about that part. As hard as they are... there's a freedom I feel from internet breaks/fasts.

Here's hoping I get a LOT done. (Including line memorization!)

-Matt

It's been a week or two.

Life has gotten crazy... but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
That sounds like I'm dying.
No, no my good man.
I am merely wrapping up this insanity I have called Fall for the past 2.5 months.

Last CRAZY class tomorrow. Then Tuesday brings an out of theatre dress for my Charlie Brown kids who are truly FANTASTIC.

Saw Noises Off this weekend through Greenroom. FANTASTIC show. Nothing bad I could say about it even if I wanted to. Such talent. I proud to learn under such talented and passionate performers.

School's shaping up
My friends are a blessing
and my SAVIOR is incredible.

The times- they are a'changin.

I know I talk about Narnia a lot, but I think it is because that show was a milestone of me growing into an OLDER kid position in CYT.

And now looking at where I am now and where I was then, a lot has changed.

Attitudes, friends, relationships, my faith.

Basically, I think I like the PERSON I have continued to become between now and Narnia, but I sure do miss some of the PEOPLE I surrounded myself with back then.

But as the famous chain e-mail says.
Some people stay for a moment and some a season. (ooh first bold word in my blog)
But regardless of, it's still fun to think back to that. I also think Narnia was a last bit of almost ZERO responsibility. (I mean we always have some, but it seems like you hit 16 and responsibility goes through the roof. I can only imagine 18)

Time for bed. Working from 9-5 and then school all night plus SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE and GLEE are on TV! Gotta love Fox Wednesdays!

Becoming Greenroom UPDATE!

It's down to TWO!

Matthew Silar
and
Kat McKeown

orrrr

Kat McKeown
and
Matthew Silar

Regardless of the order, it's down to me and Kat.
Pressure much?
However, Becoming Greenroom has been an unforgettable experience and I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world regardless of the outcome. Granted, both Kat and I have 2 different opinions of the perfect ending to this amazing experience but we both can agree that the journey has been unreal.

Come Nov 7th and VOTE FOR THE NEWEST MEMBER OF GREENROOM!
(again all none of you who read this...for now...)

so... many... shows.

I am somehow trying to fit about 9 productions in 4 weekends.

This weekend is GREENROOM and I am seeing Into the Woods (FCC) again.

The following is NOTHING (sadly... there would be one weekend completely open just to make it harder to cram all the others)

Then, the following weekend would be Greenroom's Noises Off and my friend, Kara's The Matchmaker at her school. (CLS)

Then comes (what I believe will be) Godspell (CYT ROCKFORD) Friday Night, Les Miserables (CYT DUPAGE) Saturday Night and then church and possible Greenroom rehearsals take up sunday (otherwise that will be Godspell night)

The following week brings High School Musical which I believe I am working. (and hopefully straying away for the Hobbit on Sunday maybe?)

That following week kicks off "tech week" for The Good Doctor which runs Wed and Thurs Night. Then RIGHT back into HSM Friday (and again hopefully straying away Friday for Little Women at Johnsburg and then GREENROOM Sat night either as a BG FINALIST or a FINALE MEMBER)

Followed by Oliver and Wonka the following weekend.

And SOMEWHERE in there... I am seeing Hairspray at the Marriott with Mom and Tracy (well Rachael... but she's my Tracy ever since camp)

That's how many shows?

Greenroom
Into the Woods
Noises Off
The Matchmaker
Godspell
Les Miserables
High School Musical
The Hobbit
The Good Doctor
Little Women
Greenroom
Oliver
Willy Wonka

13 Shows.
Why are shows always running at the same time? Why can't we spread them out a little bit more?
But hey, most are free... and I work now :)
And if I was IN an actual show (excluding Good Doctor) I wouldn't be able to see all of these so... hooray I suppose.

Oh boy.

Nothing much

I am still waiting on telling people about this.
Not that I am embarrassed by any means. I definitely do plan on posting it on my facebook at least. But I want it to have a bit more substance before that happens.

Nothing much this week.
Procrastinating learning my lines until the very last second which never pays off well.
I'd work on them tonight but I have to work in the morning.

Thank God for no school on Friday meaning Wednesday after work and voice my life belongs to the Good Doctor script.
Same with Thursday before school.

Come see it btw. You know, all none of you who read this... as of now.

Sundays

Church in the morning.

I love performing at my church.

Gives me a way to use my gifts for the Lord all while being surrounded by friends and being given free food. Win-win-win situation right there.

Say it somehow. Somehow, let's begin.

Saw this show today at 4:30. It was the second time I saw it at the Marriott and third time ever seeing the show in general. (I saw the Broadway tour when it came to Chicago for free because of a friends connection with a cast member in Wicked which was also playing in Chicago at the time)

It was absolutely incredible. The music is fantastic and takes real talent to sing and the story is brilliant.
Max Quinlan's role of Fabrizzo steals the show. That guy can SING.

As the lead woman came out to bow last (Mary Estry I believe) every eye was on her and the whole cast had an arm out to her and I actually said out loud "She's gotta feel really good right now." (or something to that degree) Bowing to all 4 sides of the Marriott stage... how can they not stand up there and think "This is pretty COOL!"

Every time I see a show at the Marriott I'm amazed. There's something about the intimacy of that theater that just gets me. Everybody just seems to LOVE being up there.

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't love to be up there someday. I always said that I would be so happy just being a worship leader and directing community theatre and maybe just doing some Marriott stuff. Even just a show.
Who knows though? Maybe God's got other plans. Either way, I'm excited to see what they are.

P.S. I would say go see the show, but sadly it closes today (Since it's already Sunday technically) also...nobody reads this.

empty Friday nights

Not being in a show this fall means... No rehearsal Friday Night.

So Fridays are pretty quite and boring for me recently.

I wouldn't mind... if all my friends weren't AT rehearsal.

Took at 2 hour nap today though...so that was nice. Napping IS one perk of having no plans. I always try to make nights with no plans productive by saying I'm going to read or get work done but honestly, that just never happens.

Becoming Greenroom

Becoming Greenroom is a long term audition process to join the Greenroom Ensemble.
There are episodes, recaps, live performances...all that stuff involved.
Kind of like American Idol.

I'm sure I'll be posting a lot about it as it get's closer to the competition. It's down to 4 people. But I won't spoil which 4 so that you can watch the episodes yourself.

Click Here to watch all the episodes and interviews with the contestants.

Nine / Seventeen BEGINNING

I decided a blog was the perfect way to share thoughts and ideas with people. My excitement and sadness towards being a Christian in theatrical arts.

And anything else the director throws my way.

Until then,
Matthew